We’ve all heard them. They’ve been received them with groans, eye rolls, and begrudging laughs. Dad jokes are both beloved and despised—like corny puns, they’re funny because they’re so not funny. But what makes a dad joke different from a regular pun? The signature of a dad joke is that it’s utterly uncool. Grandma may be the queen of nonsensical sayings, but Dad is certainly the king of cheesy jokes.
But dad jokes aren’t just for dads. There’s no better way to diffuse tension or create a comfortable, playful environment than with a corny joke, and these ironic and hilarious one-liners are great icebreakers for all ages. Not only are these jokes sure to lighten up a crowd, but they’re actually funny and guaranteed to earn some chuckles. Beat dad at his own game at the Thanksgiving table when you’re armed with these clever dad jokes. Add these clever one-liners and puns to your repertoire and you’ll be on your way to matching dad’s pun-king status in no time.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could socket to him.
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
How do moths swim? Using the butterfly stroke.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10 tickles.
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
Can February March? No, but April May!
How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!